I am hating the new insights section

It used to be flawless on my site. Click pages and get clickable sites. Instead it is a way too damn fast scroll that is not clickable. This makes it seriously hard to check out followers as my site did not allow email followers to email me:(

Crying outside and inside…

No shame and no crime here

many reasons

Many things lost never to be

found again

Belongings, loved ones, pets

and more

Jobs, inabilities and lost ones

and appearance

Losing heirlooms, secrets held

and losing family

Others are not well and some are

not willing

They have needs and do not talk


Me, having losses and changes are

challenged and I fail

I can’t even keep up or even find


Just more waiting and lagging like


It is all sad

Out of sorts

I have been not myself for what seems like forever but has only been a week and change. I feel awful, have been having extended sleep. I have been trying to be proactive and I do have a ton of material to publish but I am finding myself unable.

Where I live is quite noisy and I am getting less sleep and I have been sleeping late due to no agenda. I apply for work and though I found 2 jobs being here in a few days, I have now been unable at all.

It definitely has me down. Me body is reacting as well as I get dehydrated and more when dealing with some things. It is a curse and a blessing being me physically. I am now dealing with the former and I am trying to get out of my funk. Hell I have not written n awards post, a movie review, reviews on Oscar movies or much of anything and I am so off.:(

Up against it

Very little in options

nowhere for me

I’m now just an experiment

that failed

A shadow of my former self

at this point

Aches, pains, noises and

much more rule me

Violations and numbers now

define me

Only mad at myself and that

is all I can be…

Now 3 days in a row:(

I went again after work to donate plasma but when my adrenaline gets going it takes a good 90 minutes for my vitals to come close to normal and I was way over.Mind you I took a valium and two muscle relaxers, sat for 30 minutes and I still was wayyyy too high. Given 15 more minutes I was just as high again yet look fine all the same, SAD.

A hypocritical world run by what I’m told is a little girl

A person new to me that I broke in by has gone from friend to foe it seems. Me going from an ally and trusted to being back stabbed possibly but definitely complained about for no reason. I wondered why I had a massive switch in schedule.

But when all higher ups call that young lady a little girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing I still take offense to it. To boot now they are making fun of her in front of me and I’m sure of me in front of her yet she won’t even talk to me.

Oh my I ride a bike to work, have had three ailments with meds coursing through my body and coming out and it makes me unable to do anything about it. Being new things have come to a head the one they all laugh about and call little girl has things she’d love to know but now I’m staying mute despite me working two nights with her. She’s suddenly stopped talking to me rather at me or just a response. Putting it in Danny glovers line, I’m getting too old for this shit.

Yesterday, an AWFUL DAY

Everything went wrong

Alarm malfunction

My whole face was swollen and red

It is hella cold and the ride, long

Sent home from work didn’t help

I thought we wee cool, I wrote a pm

you never answered

I feel like a monster and looked

like one

Are you the one I never had sadly

got away?

You came in with light and flirting

through our words, we spiral

You write and I answer to raise the


Yesterday was such a lonely day and

I should hear your voice

Just that alone makes torture just a

thing and I’d be fine

Without you and I bantering I many

not be just fine but…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com