Up against it

Very little in options

nowhere for me

I’m now just an experiment

that failed

A shadow of my former self

at this point

Aches, pains, noises and

much more rule me

Violations and numbers now

define me

Only mad at myself and that

is all I can be…

Now 3 days in a row:(

I went again after work to donate plasma but when my adrenaline gets going it takes a good 90 minutes for my vitals to come close to normal and I was way over.Mind you I took a valium and two muscle relaxers, sat for 30 minutes and I still was wayyyy too high. Given 15 more minutes I was just as high again yet look fine all the same, SAD.

A hypocritical world run by what I’m told is a little girl

A person new to me that I broke in by has gone from friend to foe it seems. Me going from an ally and trusted to being back stabbed possibly but definitely complained about for no reason. I wondered why I had a massive switch in schedule.

But when all higher ups call that young lady a little girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing I still take offense to it. To boot now they are making fun of her in front of me and I’m sure of me in front of her yet she won’t even talk to me.

Oh my I ride a bike to work, have had three ailments with meds coursing through my body and coming out and it makes me unable to do anything about it. Being new things have come to a head the one they all laugh about and call little girl has things she’d love to know but now I’m staying mute despite me working two nights with her. She’s suddenly stopped talking to me rather at me or just a response. Putting it in Danny glovers line, I’m getting too old for this shit.

Yesterday, an AWFUL DAY

Everything went wrong

Alarm malfunction

My whole face was swollen and red

It is hella cold and the ride, long

Sent home from work didn’t help

I thought we wee cool, I wrote a pm

you never answered

I feel like a monster and looked

like one

Are you the one I never had sadly

got away?

You came in with light and flirting

through our words, we spiral

You write and I answer to raise the


Yesterday was such a lonely day and

I should hear your voice

Just that alone makes torture just a

thing and I’d be fine

Without you and I bantering I many

not be just fine but…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com



Lost in a maze

Which way should I turn? 

What happens if I choose wrong? 

Will I lose it all?
Can I stay trapped here?

Can it be purgatory?

Could I die in here?
Dropped here to the curb

Dying on the inside now

Damn, why’d she do this?
The loss cost it all

There’s no way now to stop this

Truly sad by this…😰

I’ve made mistakes…

Getting home not checking tickets

with bad writers

When I get someone who does and

hits it’s twice they blame ME when they lose

No such thing

I can’t blame a line change especially if I have no

time to play and check proper and it has hurt me

We are all supposed to have the same lines but don’t

Then again love is supposed to be certain and is not

So double entendre.

Plus I have different ppl in management saying do

different things…UGH

I am the only PT er and that will not change for a while,

unless someone dies or I start somewhere else…

In what should have been a race of the ages Blame lost a poorly scheduled race prior race to that year’s Breeder’s Cup Classic against Zenyatta the undefeated mare who was 19 for 19

Sadly Garrett Gomez, who rode Blame passed away tonight as being reported by major horse racing publishments including The Blood Horse. Garrett, like many riders, had a lifelong history of substance abuse and he retired a year ago at 43.