I think I need help

My mind is racing but it is locked up

I tried to pick it and failed

My mind is going into that bad place

One of rage and terror

My mind has a target and no mercy

Come after friends and family

My mind has it’s own plan for you

I can’t stop it

My mind is made up and the gas

pedal is weighted with a TON

My mind thinks I need help but…

I think it is you that does…

My mind does not alter it is an

entity and spins round

My mind has the same DREAMS

in it you are GONE…

My mind says you are worse than

GONE GIRL GONE…

My mind says you FUCKED with

the wrong one and you are DONE

Do I need help? Not for you I don’t

Do I need to slow down? No FASTER

Do I need a SHRINK? No she said it’s OK

Do I need a priest? He said go ahead

Do I need approval? Hell NO!!

Do remember you started it long AGO

Do remember it is a manifesto

Do remember your days are numbered

Do remember you are a fool pretending

Do remember you try to manipulate

Do remember I DON’t care that YOU ARE DUMB

Do remember you will NOT REMEMBER after we TUSSLE

Do remember you unleashed the MONSTER

 

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

 

Thrown down a hole…

It is dark and covered

some 30 feet down

It may have been 1000s

because a snare got me

Too tight to climb out now

Covered in dirt and insects

No way out it seems from this

perilous time

My heart beat does start to

slow

I feel the trembling and the

cold beckoning me to quit

I am about to and can’t believe

I am about to

No memory of things being right

No help coming from anywhere

in sight

I was a cog and now just a mess

to be cleaned afterward…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

Belittled

Left for dead

Given no voice

Have had the rug pulled out from under me

Besmirched, dissed, put down and worse

Lost in a manner of seconds

Words wasted as well as time

Work had and lost

Relationships ending all around

Simply not good enough

Seriously feeling anxious and sad

No way to have prepared

It happened so quickly

It happened without cause

It seemed better than it was

A facade dressed up as a present

A curse and not a blessing

An IQ that dropped to nothing

Elevation dropped through the floor

Evanescence throughout my being

Early gains are now massive losses…

I tried to do good

This person asks for help

cries herself to sleep

She has blown her chance

along time ago

It would take a couple of 

deaths to have that kid

being in NY gets OKd to

get sent across the country

I’ve been asked so many 

times I can’t keep up

So I tried to avert an action

and was vague

But I tried in hopes he had

some involvement in the

situation to HELP!!!

Instead of hey thank you for

trying one person gets yelled

at and I get talked down

and don’t get in my business

The same person rather couple 

that burns stuff often when

sleeping during the day

Yet once I was up late and hungry

and I was on top of what I was doing

added water, bathroom and I dropped

down to pull a movie I burnt out and

poof smoke alarm

I got up 3 seconds or a little more

then he did

So I have my roommate she knows

1 second and tells him that and he 

was pissed, knew she was drunk and

I had to deal with him

So she is the pot calling the kettle

black and the person I spoke to I knew 15 

years and he was there for me at times

with family disregarding me

He is at times bi polar and other things

but he’s alright at times

So I should be able to contact him

A and B convo, C you little child

abandoning  your child ass the hell out!!!

Now if it wasn’t gonna cause my uncle

grief and he’s sick, I’d do more 

I am on the fence though

Sometimes this guy talks to me normal

and other times crazy or worse

Surfing treacherous waters…

It reeks horribly of death

The sharks are in the water

Your blood is what they really crave

Thoughts and emotions are added also

More and more is what they want from you

They are disturbed if they can’t get your heart

It is all a game and it is something they just do

The it’s not you it is me is a sign often used

Hearts, saved on their arms as a trophy

No care about all of their pains given

You are just a floor mat to them

They kill you with their lies…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

Once upon a time not long ago…

I was minding my business and life flowed slow

then there was a tremor

Seemingly a plot against me and I said oh hell

the eff no

I am not taking the fall for anyone, anywhere

or about anything

For this does the donging of the bell ring  true,

perhaps?

Or are they a collective set of Illuminati  that

plots your demise?

They come to you positive, caring, loving but

want you to fail, a SURPRISE?

Forget that noise, I am too old for that ish and

don’t want to participate in their game

They make bad bad decisions, causing themselves

to go blind while I know they’re lame

I don’t wish to be called on when NEEDED ONLY

as is their norm

Keep it off of me when I tried to help, you got

pissed and are in a storm

I’m improving daily and I never left, just took a  damn

break

While you stay in the same hot mess as it is easier to you

instead of making the needed changes

You are a STEPFORD, yea you don’t know the meaning

but handle your business FINALLY, no more

lazy shit staying in that co-dependent relationship

Grow up, have a REAL plan and take care of your

business that you have out for years

Make it your own personal punching bag and

knock it out as I am never helping AGAIN…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

Bad days are a given

We can take them out on the wrong people

because the intended target bolts

We can make foolish brain fart mistakes

because we are going a mile a minute

We may also be easily distracted and that sucks

because it is in nature to learn from it

We have to ensure our ability to be accountable

because we make the mistakes

We need to deal with the outside noise and run

because we need to learn and get faster

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com