Dying now, lost myself, lost it all

My mind is gone and I have lost ALL

my ability to have luck

My mind says I am out of time now

and money

My mind is then corrupted and there

are bad decisions

My mind does make me do the rest

to show I am fallen

My mind then has me on a count

down to destruction

My mind knows the opposite of

what I do

My mind has the idea to do the

differed action

My mind truly is playing tricks

on me

My mind lets me know I am at

odds, bad ones

My mind does let me know I

have little time

My mind sadly is quite right

as I am broke

My mind precursors me to

act another way

My mind sadly has to have me

deal with bad timing

My mind quietly speaks to my

body and I miss my window

My mind has the soul that must

be cursed

My mind has a shutdown clock

it’s counting down

My mind knows there is no way

out and I have fallen

I’M REALLY SCREWED,CRAZY AND DONE

No help will come and I am GONE SOON

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

 

I’m coming back HOME for you

You treated me like shit our whole lives

You don’t know me

Don’t know how bad I was treated

Nor my accomplishments

You live in your own omnipotent world

Named after a PLASTIC thing

You act like one TOO

Too smart to realize how dumb YOU are

You will always be worthless NOW

I tried to help you

You picked the wrong one

You were taught better and are a monster

You forced my hand after treating me like

an indentured servant

I WILL FORCE YOU TO GET IN YOUR HOLE

Remember saying that to me? Boo it comes back

to YOU

I’ll play you hard

You hurt me and stole

Your blissful life

Those pains that are 1% of mine, those

kids and that WALRUS

I will be back to get what is mine

I will make you all listen

You will be a captive audience

You will hear the phone, then BOOM

It is on and you are GONE

No not dead, that is too easy

Walk a half mile in my shoes

Bitch slap that fat fuck

Snap at those whiny ones

Rescue the one that needed it, I’m too

late for that…

But you,YES you two will learn humility

and that fakeness you can shove up your

collective asses…

I will cause a lot of strife and damage you POS

DROPS THE DAMN MIC

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

 

Senses are dull

I can’t feel a thing

I’ve lost my feeling for you

I did and it’s true

 

You once were my world

You betrayed all of my trust

You lost me for what?

 

There is no answer

There will be no truth from you

There is RECKONING

 

Will you even FEEL?

When I spring it upon you

Well, sadly I DOUBT…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

I thought I knew but I must not have…

I’m not alone

I’m not afraid

I’m anxious

Ready to figure this shit out

Reading and understanding gives migraines

Ready and able has drawbacks

Not pulling back

Not quitting just yet

No merely learning more

Just getting into that VENT

See it comes a time where you shoot for the moon

You miss it by far and have to regroup

Failure wrecks havoc on you

But are you through?

You better not be

I’m rounding second heading for third

Where are you at?

If you are someone new questioning me…

Otherwise you’re supportive, much love

Getting my stuff together

Going into a new path

But I have to abandon the old me

Just to get back to being ME

So, what about you?

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

Getting sick and tired of punks here

They come in all shapes, sizes, colors and classes. There are bike lanes just for buses, bikes and those making immediate right turns only. Plus in rural areas there are laws that read that if a biker is in the right lane you must surrender it and if you are in a driveway looking to get out or take a right you must pull your car back to allow the biker or pedestrian to pass. There are tint laws here but I have never seen so many blackout tints in my life. Plus you get people high as hell, fighting with their women in public and people actually getting in the middle of the street and yelling at cars, buses, pedestrians and bikers and they throw bottles at times.

A general rule of biking is to bike facing traffic. You get screamed at for that. But in this state, there are more accidents than any other and most fatal and in several a biker or pedestrian is killed by a dumbass driver. These drivers exit driveways and streets into major roads without even slowing down. Yes, not even slowing down. They have me on the defensive always and I see them swing from that spot to the far left and they often cause an accident behind them due to their shitty driving etiquette.

Now back to our story. I have had homeless people follow me when walking asking for this and that, me saying no and them following me and eventually calling me names and throwing a bottle at me. The first time it happened a punk did this after a half mile where he actually had to jog to keep up with my walking rate. When he spit at me and threw a bottle and hit me and tried to run off, I chased him kicked the back of his knee and threw him onto a main road and said do not ever let me see you on this road again, I did not.

Next, after being in a hospital months ago a shithead decided he did not have to wait and see anything as he had cars to his left and had a blind spot there and could not see if there were cars coming or if anyone was coming in the other direction. So, I am coming in the other direction, I brake turn sharp and throw my bike to avoid him and he calls me a motherfucker and I called him a shit for brains redneck. He sees me and jumps out and is a good 250 and about my height. He says I had the right off way and I said no you have to actually have to stop at that sign and see if you do. I also mentioned if we did not have that issue he would’ve been hit from behind by a car he did not see and to be fair neither of us could see each other because the property did not trim the trees. He is in my face and I say come with it. I said come on as after I take your one or two shots and brush them off you are done. That ended as my sister was in a car behind the one on the left and she gave us both shit.

A couple of months ago I am in a casino to bet, see a movie and have dinner. I am stopping to go to a kiosk and some ultra fat guy is gawking at some woman and she told him 4 times that I heard to leave her alone. He did not and he started calling her names as well as being a racist. I am sorry but a let’s say 30 year old attractive white woman playing slots is not interested in your 60 inch waist 30 inch chest 60 year old non white race. I say move along. This ass grabs me and tries to spin me and I stop, he falls and I laugh. Then he swings and misses and then says mind ya bizness (yes just like that) and I laughed and he threw a bottle of beer at me. I get into a stance and say bring it, he does not. Security comes and he gets arrested.

Next is someone dealing drugs and gets pissed I did not stop adn again name calling. I stop my bike he starts running and actually runs out of steam, I laugh at him and say if that is what you had you better take your rage elsewhere. I ride and he tries again and I said this time I will run at you twice as fast and smash you through the air into the damn ground. Then the oh I thought so punk ass bitch.

Now is today, people here walk three across and do not yield for bikes even where there is no bike lane and today alone I got forced into jumping the curb 6 times and almost hit by a car and I got bonked at. Three others were texting and in the middle of the sidewalk and wearing headsets and I stopped and pulled their fucking headsets off and said watch where you are going and be able to hear dumbass. Next is an idiot carrying 4 bags and taking up the whole sidewalk and waddling from left to right and I said excuse me and he did not hear and I repeated and he waddled left and I went left and he said you’re supposed to say something. I answer, I did moron and you did not hear me. Next victim, a homeless punk pushing a cart and not looking. I am going against traffic close to the airport in the bike lane and he wanders into my area while looking back and I go to the sidewalk.He curses at me and I slam on the brakes as he says next time I will kill you and that is what the bike lane is for. I say well you weren’t looking and went in between and being that you threatened me, let’s fucking go. He starts saying bring it and I am coming, I dropped my jacket with all my money and phone in it, which is a pretty serious deterrent to avoid fighting as all of these idiots have nothing to lose. I said talking shit to me gets you killed and not looking gets your cart kicked as I go by next time. Oddly enough, his ex wife is at the bus stop and she explains it was his fault as she broke up with him for the last time and he does not mind jail as it is better than being homeless. She says she is too and if she wasn’t hitting a bus to go to welfare and said her age and the bus was coming, I was going to offer her some options and I would have helped her. I could not. Last is a dumbass crossing against traffic, calls out cars and calls me an n word, while he is black. He clearly motioned to me, used a kill shot pose and called out punk ass biker. I had it now. I jump out grab his ass and said you were talking to me so here I am punk. Now traffic is coming and cops are always a minute away. We are about to get hit by cars and I grab him and pull him to the medium. I say you motioned to me and what do you want to do? Nothing. I walk and he calls me a punk bitch. I go back and push him into traffic but nobody was there or I would be fucked. Now he is getting froggy and calling me a bitch and I say swing. Mind you again, money, cell, important shit and he is young missing teeth and I easily with my weaker arm pushed him into traffic. He goes to swing and I go on defense and he keeps with his punk ass bitch shit and crosses the street and I said if I am the punk ass why are you the one crossing the street. I am right here and I went to name calling. Now I do realize I have to start actively doing my old school defensive and offensive drills at home to make these non issue 30 seconds confrontations as this is pissing me off as I have this type of shit where I do not care how big someone is as this means they have little juice and maybe no flexibility and now these smaller guys that I can knock out as in this instance I grabbed him and pulled him to the medium and he said get your punk ass hands off me and I said these punk ass hands kept you from getting hit by cars and someone will call the cops and I am not dealing with cops for these bullshit scuffles with low class punks looking to start shit when I have stuff to lose. So, I have to end fights in less than a minute and will be training 2 hours a day on that as the next one that does this gets knocked the fuck out fast or they break their hand on my head.

 

Rumors…

Spoken in ill fated childish circles

they are always about you

You can’t escape these evil words

they do follow you

Do they make you feel inferior?

are you afraid?

Are you being falsely being judged?

does this seem stalker like?

Does it follow you from your home?

you see shadows…

These childish things do sicken you

and they persist

They are in all subjects, shapes, sizes

and more

But they never do stop, do they?

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

I’ve got secrets…

The types you whisper about and hope are not

found to be true

About many people things entrusted but mainly

about me

For example things from my family that if they

they’d freak out

Like the POS sister I lived with who I received a

call from CPS 2 months ago about her

I will spill, she is in pain, works real hard, I do

love her, but she is a real bitch

THinks I had my life handed to me when I worked my

ass off since 4th grade

Paid for everything and she was handed everything

When the youngest stole OUR things, I did not get my

class ring and others back but she did

When she and her buffoon of a BF snuck into my room

and found 6k in my underwear drawer?

She decided to forget how much I paid her for installments

or how much she cost me in work that she’d offset

But no she took over 1000 more than I owed and all

at once

Good thing she did not pull the drawer out or look under

she would’ve found something

Something that based on her bias, she would’ve thought I was

taking advantage but I would have taken care of her

But I paid my dues for decades and I knew how to hide things

I did and otherwise…SHHH!

I did so and the kids and dogs and lost my life

A bitter taste

The CPS case, oh does she drink, do drugs we heard you live there

and the kids say she is asleep at 530.

Me: IDK I have not lived there in months. Sounds very similar to

the case against me that was not founded

The other sister seemingly tried to conspire to get “found money”

but had to go through me, Back up top, if they only knew

what I am doing, have and have done they’d be mad but maybe in

awe also. Doubtful though and it’s sad

My little sister is dropping dimes, nickels and fifty cent pieces

about me to my roommate and one text in 7 weeks

What she forgot about her truant pill popping life and oh he

(her husband) whose 22 years older hits her but he says I push

her away is a no way to know deal…

She needs money? Yes abandoning your kid like myself and our

sister, an attorney will have consequences

Then she has secrets.I trump them all, am glad to have what little

family I have left around and wished things were better.

 

I am super proud of both my little sis for trying so damn hard despite

her losing memories and even more so to my uncle as he is the man

that I always envisioned him to be.

My other sister and I need to talk where I flip the script on her but

that won’t happen.

But I live in VEGAS and I can bury my SECRETS and many are real

GOODIES and I did the work and the work was dirty and some skills

and you got something. Just be nice, even to assholes, try to SMILE:)