Will you hate me if I disappear?

I may or I may not

We ended badly

So since we do talk

Would you or won’t you?

I may just become a new corpse

I may just intentionally be a statistic

I could simply just go the fuck away, so?

You won’t care

You will worry ehh

You may lose a meal, so?

You were the finish line in it

Maybe the needle that broke a back

Maybe a lie that came back to me

Maybe I was past dealing with it

Maybe I didn’t want to live

mom already gone you don’t know it

I think I need help

My mind is racing but it is locked up

I tried to pick it and failed

My mind is going into that bad place

One of rage and terror

My mind has a target and no mercy

Come after friends and family

My mind has it’s own plan for you

I can’t stop it

My mind is made up and the gas

pedal is weighted with a TON

My mind thinks I need help but…

I think it is you that does…

My mind does not alter it is an

entity and spins round

My mind has the same DREAMS

in it you are GONE…

My mind says you are worse than


My mind says you FUCKED with

the wrong one and you are DONE

Do I need help? Not for you I don’t

Do I need to slow down? No FASTER

Do I need a SHRINK? No she said it’s OK

Do I need a priest? He said go ahead

Do I need approval? Hell NO!!

Do remember you started it long AGO

Do remember it is a manifesto

Do remember your days are numbered

Do remember you are a fool pretending

Do remember you try to manipulate

Do remember I DON’t care that YOU ARE DUMB

Do remember you will NOT REMEMBER after we TUSSLE

Do remember you unleashed the MONSTER


2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com




Yay I finally got hit by a car….

It was bound to happen. Here there are actual motor vehicle laws that say if a bike is in the road give up a lane. Most people not only do not do that, they do not stop at signs, while coming out of driveways and jump into main roads causing 100s of weekly crashes.

I have pretty good reflexes even when I feel shitty. This I was all but dead. Tons of other cyclists and pedestrians travel with their down and we all have the right to be on the sidewalk, the bike lane and go with or against traffic.

So, today I am riding with traffic and another cyclist jumped out from a small bush looking down and was wearing headphones, I yelled to no avail and I jumped onto the main road and saw the car coming and he was looking down and I pushed hard and high against my bike and instead of getting run over and having my bike totaled as well as me being killed, I took a nasty hit. Mind you I have been very sad and have spent three days in bed to avoid a lot and that crap happens. Now a cop around when you need one as this guy did not stop.

Most people here pulled over for routine things end up getting arrested, lack of insurance and otherwise and this adds to my list of dumb shit that happens to me while careful that I could have been compensated. Instead my left leg is hurting like hell to go along with my right foot.

If I commit a malicious act is that intentional?

Meaning I am in defense mode

otherwise known as protecting

I may have no other way, what would

you do if stolen from and up against it?

I am trying to ignore said person

But it is difficult for me…

Completely lied to again

The people that live or migrate out here are real scumbags, a worthy case suggested by someone who is not. Some people can’t stop lying but pics, videos and live calls make them look like a horse’s ass.

C’est la vie I guess it’s just me

I get myself into Scooby do and the gang issues often

However they have never been at this level

I never trust anyone and it’s been at best try and do what you can for me lately

I’m constantly in a hole and I’ve been using my voice with other tenants and I still do not get anything I ask for. Tons of times but oh my if I fail once? WTF? 

I’m just unable to find stable people hereĀ 

Everyone has 1000s of excuses as to what they will share, show and put you on the lease and all of them fail. Now I have a shit kicking pos physically threatening me and he does as he got on the phone and evidently the person suggested getting out or he’d get hurt or worse. He’s never been in shape and while I’m off it for me I’m able to bang out 3-400 push-ups in 45 minutes or less if I tried to push it. 

I can’t believe another pos is doing this to me.