Will you hate me if I disappear?

I may or I may not

We ended badly

So since we do talk

Would you or won’t you?

I may just become a new corpse

I may just intentionally be a statistic

I could simply just go the fuck away, so?

You won’t care

You will worry ehh

You may lose a meal, so?

You were the finish line in it

Maybe the needle that broke a back

Maybe a lie that came back to me

Maybe I was past dealing with it

Maybe I didn’t want to live

mom already gone you don’t know it

Hot dogs and French fries

I do not like either. I may partake though

this means nothing 

I’m not trying to blend in or similar but

I do it my way

I don’t like garnishes or many condiments 

yet I have to get that taste out of my mouth

So, potato chips and the like take its turn 

against the angst

My life is defined about doing things I do 

not want to digest

Yet, like many things, I am forced to have 

them down my throat

What does this say about me? I take a lot 

of crap from all over

It means I get cheap and expensive shots

at times

What the hell ever as I get shit on one way

or another

The monster is back in me….

I was completely content sleeping until 2 weeks ago. Now I am up and dpomg things I am unproud of. My body is giving out a lot and I have a monster schedule ahead if I get there. Many ppl just like and do not read, which I get but I am putting myself in peril and must leave soon or there will be consequences. I destroyed the bed and can’r fix the mess and avoided my lying roommate all day while he said do not worry all day for 10 hours. I am assed out and this is the last fucking time.


I’m coming back HOME for you

You treated me like shit our whole lives

You don’t know me

Don’t know how bad I was treated

Nor my accomplishments

You live in your own omnipotent world

Named after a PLASTIC thing

You act like one TOO

Too smart to realize how dumb YOU are

You will always be worthless NOW

I tried to help you

You picked the wrong one

You were taught better and are a monster

You forced my hand after treating me like

an indentured servant


Remember saying that to me? Boo it comes back

to YOU

I’ll play you hard

You hurt me and stole

Your blissful life

Those pains that are 1% of mine, those

kids and that WALRUS

I will be back to get what is mine

I will make you all listen

You will be a captive audience

You will hear the phone, then BOOM

It is on and you are GONE

No not dead, that is too easy

Walk a half mile in my shoes

Bitch slap that fat fuck

Snap at those whiny ones

Rescue the one that needed it, I’m too

late for that…

But you,YES you two will learn humility

and that fakeness you can shove up your

collective asses…

I will cause a lot of strife and damage you POS


2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com




How Could YOU?

You had me at Hello

You were always high, no lows

You had me so fooled


I was so blinded

I’m so “a”shamed of myself

I should’ve stayed OUT


But I still wonder,

But you brought me in YOUR game

But now I’m broken…


Though I am to blame

Tears on my pillow, they’re soaking

To you I’m no one


Frost now in my veins

Forever, NEVER The SAME

For I once did SOAR


Yes my blood is POOLED

Your hips on me GRINDED

You I’ll never TOUT…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com


Those plotting against…

I thought and thought. It seemed a certainty

but no

Could it be a conspiracy, a Coup D’etat, just

one shooter or more?

Have I dreamt all that has been going awry?,

I mean all this time…

Magnifying glass, handkerchief, powder and

duster to examine it all

Hit rewind to before the fall, was my drink


I can’t remember…When I woke up in another

state with no id, how? No recall.

Too many questions and I have gone through

them all

But those around me are starting to move away

and others smile, laugh and talk…Hmm

Typically those who would do you dirty are those

the closest or easiest inside to you

The losses I have taken, the lies I have been told,

there must be many pawns but….

There certainly is a puppeteer, a general a dark

force behind it all

I am pretty sure but it is hard to go behind the

curtain, there are hazard signs…

Those closed doors, the hallways getting lower

and the clock beats louder

There may be no access if not now there may

never be another chance

Then I thought and pulled back. What did he

say to me? Hmm, the other? One more?

Now I think it is a few and the one behind is

trying to drive me to make the fatal move

As is, I am being forced to live LIKE THIS, in

fear with no answers

Yes, he wants me out and is playing with me:(

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com



Should have known

I’d be here, you’re gone

I’m here mainly just for you

I just got lied to


You forget things done

You forget being a kid

You almost stole one


Cried on my shoulders

Caring to do it nightly

Calmness as I stayed


Then your big dumb fight

The one screaming for my help

Then you turned your back


Yes you did a lot

Yet you did need me a lot

You’ve owed me DECADES


Soon it’s all over

Sadly you’ve missed your WINDOW

See, I had reasons


Being naive is bliss

Being stupid is much worse

Bring nothing else now


It’s been five months now

It’s been five years from your kid

It won’t work for you


***But with me it is over and you can’t get it back when I am not here***

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com