If I die before I wake…

There’s nothing left of me to take

No more rules

No more lies

No deceptions

No other nonsense

I’m away from pain

I’m free from the fall

I’m free from it all

I’ll not recover

I’ll be scarred

Nobody escapes 

Nobody surrenders

Nobody does ever get me

Never matters

Never is a point

Now I take my cue

Now I’m in hiding

Never gonna be me again

Not down with it

Nor do I care

I’ve fallen

Gone from the big fish in the

small pond

To the water drying up and me


The top of the line model to being


The fastest internet to becoming

like old dial up

A little puppy to an older, bigger 

dog with hip dysplasia 

Here and so important to being

a nobody

At times eventually we all do FALL

Copyright 2017 Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com




Torn apart

Badly hurt


So many wordings

So little time left

to speak

Your claws hooked


Your words mesmerized


Your looks infatuated me


Yet you’re a sociopath, a 

scam artist

You’re just a pretty face

hidden by lies

You’re a lively lie hidden

by looks

You’re an entity that hides

in shadows looking…

You’re looking for future


You Set your bait and then 

you wait

You’ve got one or two on 

the line and you reel 

them in

Suck them dry and throw

them back

You’ve now destroyed them

and cast them aside…

A vision

Seen in the in between sleep

almost dead not breathing

almost awake jerking up

The repetitive sight is quite

lovely while being scary

likened to an Angel but

likely a temptress 

Normally woken frantically

it picks back up

it lures you back

it makes you crave

it feeds off your thirst

Will you have it again tonight?

yet are you afraid?

yes but you do lie?

you lie to your own self?

your craving eclipses fear?

you need to get off this drug!

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

Losing it….

My mind wanders

where are you?

My mind plays tricks on me

she’s late she’s being bad 

My mind makes visions for me

she’s doing what?

My mind is running at full speed

I envision her doing it

My mind says go find her now

but I can’t 

My mind forgets we broke up 

it feels stupid…

Scared of illness here

I had a massive gas pocket on my chest a month and a haly ago and I have never seen certain things like this. Pleple wearing masks as if anywhere they go has dieases written all over. A co worker has shingles, another has a bad kidney infection. This means I work more as I am off the probation period ut it also puts me at risk. So, I hope for the best:).

My new work scares me

As opposed to being responsible for 6k as a bank we are responsible for 50k and if you are off by more than 99 bucks it is a felony. Which scares the hell out of me as we get hit with fast bets and mistakes do happen. It is frightening to say the least to possibly get hit with a felony if you are off by less than 100 bucks. Ugh. Plus i was never properly trained and daily I get a younger super who does more than others having me do more but the elders want me to dismiss her, which is rude but there are different opinions regarding who we even take bets from.