Will you hate me if I disappear?

I may or I may not

We ended badly

So since we do talk

Would you or won’t you?

I may just become a new corpse

I may just intentionally be a statistic

I could simply just go the fuck away, so?

You won’t care

You will worry ehh

You may lose a meal, so?

You were the finish line in it

Maybe the needle that broke a back

Maybe a lie that came back to me

Maybe I was past dealing with it

Maybe I didn’t want to live

mom already gone you don’t know it

I’m dancing around the subject

Every step I make

Every word I write

Every thing I do

A puzzle to undo

A perplexed person

YOU

A panic I am in

The shit said is true

The things are real

The ones are but…

How to decipher?

How to be sure?

How to see my dance?

***I DO HIDE THINGS WELL especially if TRUTH won’t HELP***

<<<WHAT TO DO< WHAT DO SAY< DO I STAY OR GO>>>

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

Dying now, lost myself, lost it all

My mind is gone and I have lost ALL

my ability to have luck

My mind says I am out of time now

and money

My mind is then corrupted and there

are bad decisions

My mind does make me do the rest

to show I am fallen

My mind then has me on a count

down to destruction

My mind knows the opposite of

what I do

My mind has the idea to do the

differed action

My mind truly is playing tricks

on me

My mind lets me know I am at

odds, bad ones

My mind does let me know I

have little time

My mind sadly is quite right

as I am broke

My mind precursors me to

act another way

My mind sadly has to have me

deal with bad timing

My mind quietly speaks to my

body and I miss my window

My mind has the soul that must

be cursed

My mind has a shutdown clock

it’s counting down

My mind knows there is no way

out and I have fallen

I’M REALLY SCREWED,CRAZY AND DONE

No help will come and I am GONE SOON

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

 

Memories I don’t want to lose

Remembering all things, good and bad

all a blur

Sometimes a side effect of mind altering

drugs

Is it real?, Is it Memorex?, Is it just that I

am insane?

I do not care as I am not me without these

thoughts

Many are like heavy nightmares i can’t

wake up from

Some I do wake from to find a place I

don’t recognize

At times these are so surreal that I’d

see butterflies fly without wings

I could envision Unicorns that have

their horn sideways

Feelings that I am being operated on

and I die and SEE it as I float away

Do I see myself injuring myself on bad

days and making DEEP CUTS?

Those from the sharpest blades, from

strongest medications

Lucid awareness or lack thereof that

hails me from the hell I am in

I am not allowed to leave but I am

not wanted to stay

Purgatory as I am in constant wait

for you, for me to be me and more

I am a reckless emotion!

 

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

I think I need help

My mind is racing but it is locked up

I tried to pick it and failed

My mind is going into that bad place

One of rage and terror

My mind has a target and no mercy

Come after friends and family

My mind has it’s own plan for you

I can’t stop it

My mind is made up and the gas

pedal is weighted with a TON

My mind thinks I need help but…

I think it is you that does…

My mind does not alter it is an

entity and spins round

My mind has the same DREAMS

in it you are GONE…

My mind says you are worse than

GONE GIRL GONE…

My mind says you FUCKED with

the wrong one and you are DONE

Do I need help? Not for you I don’t

Do I need to slow down? No FASTER

Do I need a SHRINK? No she said it’s OK

Do I need a priest? He said go ahead

Do I need approval? Hell NO!!

Do remember you started it long AGO

Do remember it is a manifesto

Do remember your days are numbered

Do remember you are a fool pretending

Do remember you try to manipulate

Do remember I DON’t care that YOU ARE DUMB

Do remember you will NOT REMEMBER after we TUSSLE

Do remember you unleashed the MONSTER

 

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

 

Trippin

I don’t know what is and is not real

Eyes playing tricks on me

Heart too does deceive

Feelings racing, from happy to sad

Colors erased

Faces removed

Floating all over

Why are things upside right?

OOPS mean down..

Or did I?

I need to sleep

This has to go away

I feel my head starting to SWAy

Feeling haZy, CrAzy, lAzy

Badaisy

Can I sleep it off

Is it a dream or is it a nightmare

while AWaKE?

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com

 

 

If someone is sulking to themselves and nobody knows, are they considered feeling fine?

Whether living alone or with someone that does not

pay attention, they are bad for you

If you are blatantly obvious with your mood, sadness

and more, how can they not see it?

It is like if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it

does it mean there is no sound or that it happened?

Many depressed people give out all the signals and if they

are missed they sometimes die

Why does this happen so often and is likened to the kids’

bullied shoot up a school

People need to not need to have only “tunnel vision” and

realize that someone is off

I went through several issues and one was after a near fatal

car crash and I was left for dead

I was revived twice and had convulsions and was given bad

meds for me and I could not wean off easily

I slept through an entire month and that was at 2 weeks and

it got worse and took a year to get off and this is for all people

going through any issues that may hinder them

I also see this with people that have other illnesses, whether

physical or mental

It is sad that people and even doctors sometimes do tooooooo

much or do little and it causes a fatality

We need people seeing and hearing us and knowing a change is

made and helping, not ignoring!!!

Don’t just see it and be proactive!!!

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com