Thrown down a hole…

It is dark and covered

some 30 feet down

It may have been 1000s

because a snare got me

Too tight to climb out now

Covered in dirt and insects

No way out it seems from this

perilous time

My heart beat does start to


I feel the trembling and the

cold beckoning me to quit

I am about to and can’t believe

I am about to

No memory of things being right

No help coming from anywhere

in sight

I was a cog and now just a mess

to be cleaned afterward…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey


Left for dead

Given no voice

Have had the rug pulled out from under me

Besmirched, dissed, put down and worse

Lost in a manner of seconds

Words wasted as well as time

Work had and lost

Relationships ending all around

Simply not good enough

Seriously feeling anxious and sad

No way to have prepared

It happened so quickly

It happened without cause

It seemed better than it was

A facade dressed up as a present

A curse and not a blessing

An IQ that dropped to nothing

Elevation dropped through the floor

Evanescence throughout my being

Early gains are now massive losses…

I am all out…

Yes this goes to a song

But I am all out without you

My life was worth living but no more

Yes I put you up extremely high and I

received shadow puppets from you

How can I find you?

Where will you be?

I need it as I am still hopeful


Out of the way

O ut here it seems everyone blocks you 

U nder every possible to almost hits people

T here are those plowing a driveway and jumping into roads

O h you’re late? Everyone here is late and I see at least 2 accidents a day

F or me the cut me off in the bike lane, or I get screamed at going against traffic

T hey yell that’s what the bike lane is for!!! No a cyclist or pedestrian have the right of way

H ow to correct this? Well most drivers here have warrants and they cause deadly accidents and I see them all over.

E ven someone  crosses with the white go notification gets a person killed. Idk how any of them get a license to begin with.

W ondering, will I ever drive here? Hell the eff no as I try to avoid accidents and a walk or bike ride is fine as you Go then you’re plowed

A way to get into a mantra of sorts is to be defensive, real defensive with a lot of looking especially at sunset as it’s blinding

Y our life can be ended any day with the plethora of moronic drivers. It’s extremely 

From a dr to another, to an ER for records, to a pcp to get a letter for blood work and hopefully I can actually work. I’ve hit a big roadblock

My dr appt was 1130 and I got some baby steps done. Riding back and forth sucks and it’s real humid today. My appt has a line around the block. Then I have an outreach to go to and then head in the direction of class where I am set to work theee and make 2-3 stops prior.

In a good world I get zoomed through this appt, get in and out of the outreach and get some help and possibly get to my pcp and I possibly get to the plasma place and get back on track and start with a couple of hours of work:).

Surfing treacherous waters…

It reeks horribly of death

The sharks are in the water

Your blood is what they really crave

Thoughts and emotions are added also

More and more is what they want from you

They are disturbed if they can’t get your heart

It is all a game and it is something they just do

The it’s not you it is me is a sign often used

Hearts, saved on their arms as a trophy

No care about all of their pains given

You are just a floor mat to them

They kill you with their lies…

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey


If someone is sulking to themselves and nobody knows, are they considered feeling fine?

Whether living alone or with someone that does not

pay attention, they are bad for you

If you are blatantly obvious with your mood, sadness

and more, how can they not see it?

It is like if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it

does it mean there is no sound or that it happened?

Many depressed people give out all the signals and if they

are missed they sometimes die

Why does this happen so often and is likened to the kids’

bullied shoot up a school

People need to not need to have only “tunnel vision” and

realize that someone is off

I went through several issues and one was after a near fatal

car crash and I was left for dead

I was revived twice and had convulsions and was given bad

meds for me and I could not wean off easily

I slept through an entire month and that was at 2 weeks and

it got worse and took a year to get off and this is for all people

going through any issues that may hinder them

I also see this with people that have other illnesses, whether

physical or mental

It is sad that people and even doctors sometimes do tooooooo

much or do little and it causes a fatality

We need people seeing and hearing us and knowing a change is

made and helping, not ignoring!!!

Don’t just see it and be proactive!!!

2017 Copyright Paul McAleavey